My niece wanted an inter-caste marriage
My niece did her MSc in the computer from Chandigarh. She worked in some firm for few years and then her parents asked her to get married. She told them that she knows a boy and would like to get married to him. But her parents means my brother and sister-in-law were not ready as the boy belonged to some other caste.
Though, both the families belonged to Sikh religion, but the boy was a Saini Sikh while my brother belonged to Jatt Sikh clan. Both were related to the same creed with minor caste dimensions. However, I completely supported my niece and met the boy and his family and promised them my support.
The whole family was against her marriage
My brother and my sister-in-law are illiterate. Hence they couldn’t digest the idea of inter caste marriage. My yet another brother was also opposed to this marriage. The girls,s had been abroad for four years, and he used to send money to his sister for studies.
He was also highly opposed to this marriage. He said that he worked day and night to educate this girl and now she is going to marry a boy who doesn’t belong to our caste. He felt insulted that his sister was going to choose a boy herself.
Only I supported her cause
One day I went to the village, and my middle brother was with me in the evening. We started discussing the girl’s marriage, but he said that as we are Sikhs, it is not good to marry outside our caste. I tried to tell him that how can you call yourself a Sikh when you all members are clean shaven. You all take wine.
How you claim yourself to be a Sikh. My eldest brother remains drunk day and night. I asked them what right you have got to call yourself a Sikh? I further explained to them that your women work in the field while men remain idle at home, then how can you call your self a Sikh.
Her bother threatened to kill her lover.
I further said that the boy’s family is far better Sikh than you as most of them are a baptized Sikhs and are quite successful. But nobody agreed with me. My middle brother left the conversation saying that you do whatever you want, but I will not participate in any marriage activity. He said he would neither nor oppose the marriage.
He brother was so much opposed to the marriage that he threatened to kill the boy. I tried to reason with him. I said that you are also going to marry her with a human being and not an angel and she has also selected a human being. She is not committing any sin.
I arranged a meeting between two parties.
I argued with them that marriage is a personal issue and ever body should have a right to choose his or her life partner. I told them that it is not you who are going to live a lifetime with the boy; it is the girl who has to live her whole life with the boy. Therefore, she should be given freedom to choose.
Anyhow, I went on doing things, and I ultimately arranged a meeting between the two parties to decide the date of the marriage marriage of the couple. On the very day, the boy side’s party was pressing for early marriage, but my family wanted a late marriage.
They took away the girl on the same day
In the end, the boy’s family said that why don’t you solemnize the mini-marriage today itself. They said they don’t demand any dowry. After a lot of discussions, the marriage was done on the same day without any prior preparation. Neither the girl’s brother attended this ceremony nor my middle brother.
On the very evening, all felt relieved. There was so much burden on all heads as to how to arrange the huge amount of money for marriage. But all of the sudden things happened so quickly that everything got finished for good. What a great relief from the burden!
All members of the girl family were relaxed.
All the members of my family found the boy’s family quite decent and good. They found that the other family was almost like their family and all of them were good-natured. They felt that they were worried unnecessarily. When my family members went to take back the girl, this time her estranged brother also got ready to accompany them to go to his sister’s in-laws house.
When her brother came back, he found that the boy’s family was far better than he had expected. He felt relaxed. After all, he was a brother, and it was his duty to find a decent boy for his sister. But now a big burden was off. Now, he welcomed my decision to push for the quick and sudden marriage.
My middle brother and girl’s brother also got reconciled.
Then again the boy came to my brother’s house to take back his wife, this time my middle brother also got reconciled and transformed and joined the other family members to welcome the bridegroom. All of them fell in line when they found that the boy’s family was so nice and gentle.
Actually, my middle brother and my nephew(girls’ brother) were being guided by a religious and traditional mindset. They were not going beyond limits. They were being controlled by fixed thinking or habitual attitude. Well, life is beyond limits. They were scared to cross the boundaries.
I pushed them hard them beyond limits
I had to struggle and push hard to take them beyond their social and psychological limits. I forcefully took them beyond social and mental bondage. They were so uncomfortable, but once they were taken across the psychological barriers, they found that their fears were not required.
This is what we call the Break The Rule. The common people will never go across the limits, but somebody has to come and push them hard across the limits. It is just trying the options to realize the new reality. Someone has to take the lead, break the rules and set new records. Only then the self-mastery will take place; only then the social transformation will take place.
When we have new social order, only then we will peace and prosperity. Only changed perspective can lead to social and mental growth.
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